Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
