Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
kristin has been a bad kristin
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
