Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
