I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
