I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
