I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
