I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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