I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
