There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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