operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize