Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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