Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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