thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
