the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you traded sex for a burrito?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
