That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
