I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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