quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
