i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
