I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
