Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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