I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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