Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
