I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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