I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She's JV to your varsity
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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