i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
