I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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