Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
