I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
