The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
