guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
