i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
