he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
