How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
