my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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