respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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