so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
