Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
