whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
