# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this just has baby written all over it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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