Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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