help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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