I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
