well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
