My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The adults are the big ones right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
