Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize