Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
