i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
