I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
