well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
