I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Randomize