bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
