just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
