all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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