mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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