I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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