I'm going to jail i love you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
