Its about making memories worth repressing
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
