I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
