Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
