New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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