No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
