Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
