i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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