Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
