yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
