Kiss
Puke
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
