Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think i have two assholes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
