Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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