i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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