No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize