Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
