On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
